Misery
by pestilencex
Summary: Tokio Hotel. TomxBill. Tom's breaking down, from the inside out. Bills trying to convince himself that he feels the same love for Tom that Tom feels for him. The only thing worse than falling into a downward spiral together is trying to keep it a secret
1. Chapter 1

**_So this was originally posted as a one-short under a different title awhile ago. Now it's back up, re-done, and now a chaptered fic. (:  
Just to warn you now: this is not a happy story. Sure, it's got some cute, fluffy moments, but it's quite dark._**

**_Hope you enjoyyyyy!_**

* * *

**Misery**

**Chapter 01**

Tom took a long sip of his drink, inconspicuously watching his twin brother over the rim of the glass. His mind was becoming comfortably clouded from the alcohol, but that still didn't stop the strange, confusing thoughts from swirling around his head. The dreadlocked teen exhaled through his nose and slouched back in the seat he was in, absently drumming his fingertips against the glass in hand. He locked his eyes on Bill once more. Tom couldn't figure out how he could be a twin to such a beautiful, graceful creature. When people looked at him, did they see the same beauty reflected in his face as Bills?

_No, _Tom thought, _no, of course not. There is no way I can ever come close to matching Bills beauty._

Tom swallowed thickly and suddenly felt a wave of nausea pass over him, a feeling that had nothing to do with the alcohol in his system.

The four of them; he, Bill, Gustav and Georg, were sitting in a quiet bar in a city whose name they couldn't remember, wanting a place where they could enjoy themselves without numerous fans swarming around them. Just passing through on the way to another city, another sold-out show.

Georg and Gustav, already wasted, were sitting across the table from Tom, talking to each other in loud, slurring voices. Bill, who had gone to get himself a drink twenty minutes ago, had now pulled up a stool to the bar counter, talking and laughing animatedly with a young bartender, who kept smiling and nodding and looked as if he was trying to flirt with the black haired teen. And Tom… well, Tom was sitting alone, trying to drown his sorrows in a glass of Vodka. The nineteen year old watched as Bill threw back his head, laughing loudly. The bartender looked pleased with himself for making Bill laugh, and Tom frowned slightly. He downed the rest of his drink, slamming the empty glass down against the table, and rose from his seat. Georg and Gustav stopped talking, and Georg asked where Tom was going.

"Another drink," Tom grunted, shuffling away from his two band mates. He wanted to get as drunk as possible, since they had a day off tomorrow, and just forget about everything. Tom approached the bar counter next to Bill, and the younger twin grabbed the sleeve of Tom's shirt and pulled him closer. Tom almost lost his balance and slapped a hand down on the counter to steady himself.

"This is my brother Tom," Bill told the bartender excitedly, who didn't look too happy to have their conversation interrupted. Tom could already tell Bill was buzzed, and didn't say anything.

"Another Vodka," the dreadlocked teen finally mumbled, eyes locking for a split second with the blonde mans behind the counter.

"What's wrong?" Bill asked casually without looking up at Tom.

Tom frowned. "Nothing."

"Bullshit," the younger of the two replied. You're my twin; I can read you like a book. Something's wrong."

"_Nothings _wrong, Bill," Tom lied, sighing. "I'm just tired."

"If you say so… no girls tonight?" Bill asked, a hint of amusement lacing his voice. Tom felt his cheeks flush uncomfortably for some unknown reason.

"No." The bartender returned with Tom's drink, and he swallowed a huge mouthful, the alcohol burning his throat on the way down.

"Why not?"

_Because I want you instead._

"Because I don't want too," Tom snapped, "why is it such a big fucking deal?" Bill blinked, shocked, and Tom instantly regretting snapping at him; but he was getting really fucking sick of everyone thinking his sole purpose in life was to fuck girls or something.

"Sorry," Bill murmured, taking a swig of the beer in his hand. He leaned his elbows on the counter, still not looking at his older brother. Tom could tell that Bill was slightly hurt and felt bad; something else to add to his collection of pained feelings and thoughts tonight. The dreadlocked teen placed his hand on Bills shoulder and gave it a tiny squeeze, and he quickly removed it before he got carried away. Bill turned to look at him, and when they're identical chocolate eyes met, Tom felt butterflies explode in his stomach.

"Tom." Bills voice was barely above a whisper. "If something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

_I'd tell you anything but _this.

Tom nodded; another lie, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat that just wouldn't go away. He bowed his head, allowing his fingers to ghost over the rim of the glass in his hands; he felt like he somehow needed to occupy them. Without another word, Tom walked back to the table, with Bill following a few steps behind. The two of them sat at the table together, across from Georg and Gustav. The other two men were so deep in their drunken conversation that neither of them appeared to notice Bill and Tom return.

"I wonder who'll end up having to get carried back to the hotel tonight," Bill voiced his thoughts aloud, a ghost of a smile playing across his lips. Tom shrugged indifferently and didn't answer, bringing the glass to his lips again. When he was done, he set the empty glass down on the table next to the other one. He looked at Bill, vision beginning to swim, who was absently tearing the corner of the label on his beer bottle. The brunette downed the remaining liquid in the bottle, sauntering off to get another one.

"Bill," Tom called after him, and the other teen turned around. Tom faltered, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and biting at it in a nervous sort of way. He felt like he should say something… _meaningful. _But instead, he just blurted out "Can you get me another drink?" Bill nodded wordlessly, and Tom buried his face in his hands with a sigh.

"No, no, I'd totally do the one of the left." Georg's drunken words reached his ears, and Tom looked up, leaning his chin against the table top. He watched the two older men pointing at two girls sitting at a table near the back corner of the bar.

"I dunno, man, she's hot, but the other one looks way more do-able," Gustav slurred in reply. "Plus, I've got a thing for redheads."

"Tom, which one would you fuck?" Tom held in his groan and shrugged listlessly in reply.

"The blonde one, _obviously,_" Georg answered for him with an intoxicated giggle. "I mean, holy shit, just look at her giant rack!"

"Yeah, that's nice, but the redhead is _so _much more prettier. And from what I can see, she's got a pretty sweet ass," Gustav argued.

"If you want to fuck them so bad, then why don't you go and talk to them?" Tom said waspishly; his patience with their stupid conversation was beginning to wear thin.

"Great idea, Tom!' Gustav practically yelled, and he and Georg high-fived. Tom rolled his eyes and exhaled through his nose while the two G's rose from their seats and walked in the direction of the girls. The dreadlocked teen watched them out of the corner of his eye; the girls had invited Georg and Gustav to sit with them.

_Perfect, now I have to be alone with him._

He almost didn't notice when his twin slid in the seat next to him, until Bill prodded his shoulder with his finger.

"Here." Bill pushed the glass into Tom's hand, and Tom tried not to stare at his brothers perfectly manicured nails, his long, slender fingers. He longed to know what they'd feel like all over his body. Tom shivered uncomfortably. Bill looked around, finally noticing the absence of his other two band mates. "Where'd the other two go?"

"Over there," Tom replied, nodding his head towards the back of the bar, "trying to pick up some girls for the night." Bill glanced in the direction of Georg and Gustav and snorted into his drink.

"God, those two always end up going back alone anyways. Why do they even try anymore?" Bill laughed a bit, a high pitched giggle, and Tom could tell he was pretty drunk. What a lightweight.

"Tom, what's up?"

"What do you mean, 'what's up?'"

"By 'what's up', I mean what the hells wrong with you?" Bill frowned slightly. "You're definitely not acting like _Tom_. Seems like you're moody or depressed or something lately."

"I dunno," Tom replied without looking at Bill. "I mean, I'm fine."

"No you're not," Bill said and hiccupped. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Because I can't tell you the truth," Tom muttered, starting to get angry. "Why can't you just drop it, Bill?"

"Did you ever stop to think that I'm your brother and maybe I care about you?" Bill replied moodily, slouching back and folding his arms over his chest. "Just because _you _don't care about me or anything I do-" Tom stared at Bill incredulously, his heart aching.

"Stop," he whispered, eyes stinging with sudden tears. "How could you think that I don't care about you?" Bill allowed his eyes to meet Tom's, and he looked sorry.

"If you do, then you don't show it very much," Bill mumbled, looking down. Tom rubbed a hand across his face, groaning softly.

_I'm afraid that if I show you how much I really care, I'll just scare you and drive you even further away from me._

"Seriously, Tom, tell me what's wrong. I'm worried." Bill was suddenly interested in everything but Tom's face. "You're never like this."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, I just can't, alright!" Tom said, exasperated. "Now can you _please _just leave me alone?"

"Fine," Bill said in a monotonous voice, and rose stiffly from the table. "I'm tired. I'm going to go back to the hotel." The younger twin turned and walked away without a second glance back at Tom. The dreadlocked man groaned loudly and buried his head in his hands. He sat up and chugged the rest of his drink, trying not to gag at the strong taste. He could either sit here and get so drunk that he couldn't feel anymore, or he could go after Bill. Tom didn't even stop to think. He just got up and hurried as fast as he could, without stumbling, out the door.

Tom exited the bar, wildly looking around for his little brother. The streets and sidewalks were dark and bare, except for a tall, lone figure about a block away.

"Bill!" He broke into a run, and the other teen turned around to watch him. When Tom finally caught up to Bill, the brunette wrinkled his nose at the older twin.

"It doesn't look like you're in any position to be running, Tom." Tom thought he heard a smile hidden in the other mans voice, but it definitely didn't show on his face.

"I'm not that drunk," Tom breathed in reply, frowning. Bill turned and began to walk again. Tom caught up with him and fell into step with the younger teen.

"I'm sorry," Tom finally said.

"It's fine." Bill sighed and looked at the ground. They were both silent for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only a few seconds. "It feels like we're drifting apart. I miss the way we used to share _everything _when we were younger. Fuck, we're in a band together, we're living our dream together, and that should be bringing us closer. But it feels like we're getting farther away." Tom shoved his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans and didn't reply. He was scared that if he opened his mouth, he'd end up saying the wrong words.

"I don't want to lose you, Tom." Bills voice was tiny; barely above a whisper, but there was so much emotion packed into it that Tom felt it cut through him like a knife.

"I… I know," Tom stuttered; the words he really wanted to say seemed to keep getting stuck in his throat. "Fuck, I know." He looked at Bill in the faint glow of the streetlights above him, and Tom saw what he thought were tears glittering in the brunettes eyes. But when Bill spoke, his voice was strong and showed no sign of the tears.

"You know, I wish you'd be more open with me, Tom." Bill looked down, tugging at the hem of his fitted black t-shirt. "You don't have to tell me _everything_, I just… I just want to know when something's hurting you." Bill paused, and when the dreadlocked man made no reply, continued once again. "'Cause when something's hurting you, a little piece of me hurts too."

Tom gnawed at his lip and his heart now ached worse than ever. He spotted the glowing neon sign of the hotel they were staying at in the distance a few blocks away and quickened his pace the best he could. Bill trotted to his side and firmly grabbed onto the older teens arm. Tom tried not to flinch as Bills long nails bit into his flesh.

"Why are you being like this?" Bills voice was so tiny that Tom could barely hear it. And then the reality of this all finally embedded itself into Tom's mind. He was always feeling sorry for himself, feeling like shit because of the way he thought about his own twin. But he was just pushing Bill _farther _away from himself by being so distant, and it not only hurt him, but it hurt his little brother just as bad. All this time, he had thought he was the only one feeling horrible, but he was also causing Bill pain by acting this way.

Tom trembled, and the tears finally spilled over. He bowed his head and let them fall openly, and Bills grip on his arm loosened.

"Oh, Tom, don't…" When Bill tried to pull Tom into a hug, the older teen struggled to push him away, but the brunette just held onto him tighter. Tom finally gave up and collapsed into the embrace, sobbing his heart out on his baby brothers shoulder.

"I'd help you if I could, Tom. I'd try my hardest to make your tears go away, but I can't because you won't let me in. I can't make it better if I don't know what's wrong."

Tom exhaled shakily. "I-I'm sorry" was all that he managed to choke out.

"I'm scared," Bill breathed softly, "You're the one that races through life without a backwards glance. You always just put you're head down and go, and don't let anything bother you. And I'm scared 'cause now you're falling apart and I can't help you fix it… you're supposed to be the strong one."

"I'm not the strong one," Tom replied in a whisper. "I never was. I never will be." Tom shivered slightly in his brothers arms and looked down at the sidewalk; fat drops of rain were beginning to splatter against the grey concrete. The two twins tilted their heads to look at the sky, and Tom winced as several cold raindrops splashed against his already wet cheeks. Bill unfurled his arms from around the dreadlocked man and gave him a sad, weak smile. Without another word, the two of them began to walk in the direction of the hotel once again. Tom wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve and let out a breathy sigh. He was now beginning to feel embarrassed of crying in front of his brother; he was not the type of person to shed tears in front of another.

"Don't be embarrassed," Bill suddenly said, and Tom wondered if Bill could somehow read his thoughts. "It's okay to let people see you cry sometimes, you know." Tom just grunted in reply.

"What do you say when we get back to the hotel, we stay up all night watching crappy movies and eating candy? Just like old times." A hint of a smile played across Bills lips. Tom shrugged indifferently, and Bill sighed almost inaudibly.

_He's trying to make me feel better, even though he knows he can't. But he's still trying… _

The rain was now pouring down in heavy torrents, soaking the two teens as they practically ran the last few feet to the lobby of the hotel. Once inside, Bill broke into a string of curses about how his hair was ruined and disgusting, drawing the attention of the older woman behind the desk, who looked at them with disdain, as they were dripping rainwater and mud onto the carpet beneath them. The twins approached the elevator, and Bill continuously prodded the button roughly with his forefinger, until the doors slid open smoothly. They both stepped into the small area, and Tom bit his bottom lip, hard, as he watched the lobby slowly disappear behind the closing doors. Tom watched the glowing green number above the doors that told them what floor they were passing. Two… three… four… It felt as though it was taking longer than forever to reach the sixth floor. They stood in silence, and Bill awkwardly scuffed the toe of his shoe against the floor. Tom leaned against the wall, shutting his eyes momentarily. The dreadlocked teen glanced at Bill out of the corner of his eye. Bill, who was unaware that Tom was watching him, trembled slightly. Tom suddenly felt scared and claustrophobic, and desperately wanted out. He tried not to sigh aloud with relief when the heavy metal doors flew open.

*******

Tom was sprawled on one of the beds, lazily watching some shitty English movie with German subtitles, but soon got bored of it. He didn't want to have to read while watching a movie, anyways. Tom shut his eyes, the sound of the shower running in the bathroom almost lulling him to sleep. _Almost. _But Tom didn't think he'd ever be able to sleep again; there were way too many thoughts still racing through his head. When Bill reappeared from the bathroom, his hair was wet and tousled, as if he had rubbed at it furiously with a towel, and there was barely any of the usual dark makeup surrounding his caramel-hued eyes. Tom thought he looked more beautiful than ever, and he felt that familiar pain shoot through his chest yet again.

_You'll never get what you want._

Bill sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing up and down several times. The empty packages of Skittles that were scattered among the bed fluttered to the floor. When he turned to look at Tom, Tom couldn't bring himself to look into his brothers eyes. The dreadlocked man sat up and rubbed at his face tiredly. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat with his shoulders hunched over. He felt the bed shift, and then Bills hands on his shoulders. When Bill leaned closer, and the older twin could feel his warm breath of the side of his neck, Tom went rigid. Tom inhaled sharply and turned his head away from Bill.

_Oh, God, I wish he knew what he's doing to me._

Bill slid his hand from Tom's shoulder to his elbow with a gentleness that Tom had never thought possible.

"I want you to be normal again," Bill breathed in the other teens ear, sending a shock of tingles down Tom's spine. "I want you to be okay."

Tom didn't even think for a second before he did what he did next. He quickly turned to face Bill, and their lips collided roughly. In Tom's mind, it seemed to go on forever, but really their lips weren't connected for more than three seconds. Bill jerked his head back and stared at Tom through widened eyes. Tom tried to get up, to leave; he wanted to be anywhere but here right now, but Bill grabbed onto both of his arms tightly and dragged him back down. Tom struggled to get free, feeling the tears coming on again, but the brunette, stronger than he looked, pinned Tom down with his arms and knees.

"Tell me," Bill said in a low voice, "what the fuck just happened." Their faces were mere inches apart, and Tom couldn't read the expression on Bills face. He couldn't tell if it was anger, disgust, or what. Tom felt like he was going to pass out or throw up or something.

_Please, this can't be real, this can't be happening. This has to be some sort of fucked up nightmare._

He finally managed to push Bill off of him, but once he got to the edge of the bed, Bill lunged forward and held Tom tightly around the torso. Tears were pooling in his eyes again, his heart was racing wildly and his breathing was becoming quick and shallow.

"Just be still," Bill commanded in a whisper. Bill placed his hand on Tom's chin, tilting the other mans head towards his own face. Tom was surprised to see tears swimming in his brothers identical brown eyes. "Stop trying to run away all the time." The ebony haired man allowed his hands to drift to Tom's sides, and Tom tensed at his brothers touch. Bill pressed his lips to Tom's wet cheeks, kissing the tears away. Tom's eyes fluttered shut, tears still seeping from underneath his eyelids, and Bill moved his lips to Tom's jaw, sliding his hands up and down the dreadlocked teens sides.

_This has to be a dream…_

Bills lips pushed against the warm skin of his twins neck, and Tom shuddered; each place Bills hands and lips touched seemed to tingle pleasantly.

"Bill, y-you shouldn't-" Tom seemed to find his voice and loose it again in half a second. Bill didn't answer, but just cut Tom off by pressing his lips briefly to the corner of Tom's. The brunette nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck, placing tiny kisses against the area where Tom's neck and shoulder joined.

"This," Bill murmured, "is what you were worried about. This is what was hurting you." It was more of a statement than a question. Tom nodded without meeting Bill's eyes, and the other teen exhaled slowly.

"So it was my fault," he whispered. "I made you feel like this." His hold around Tom tightened.

"Don't, Bill, just… d-don't-" He swallowed thickly and desperately tried to get rid of the urge to breakdown in tears. Tom definitely didn't want Bill to blame himself; he didn't want someone else to feel bad because he was a sick, twisted fuck-up.

"I want to be able to make you happy again… if this is what you want, then I want it too," Bill breathed, ghosting his finger tips against Tom's cheek. He placed his hand on the back of Tom's neck, and their lips collided in a heated, desperate kiss. When Tom's hands finally found Bills hips, he had never felt so disgusted, relieved and overjoyed at the same time.

* * *

**_I originally planned to make this under five chapters, but now I think it's gonna be longer.  
_**

**_Take five seconds out of your day and review; it makes me happier than you know. And also makes updates come quicker. x)_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 02**

Tom's eyes fluttered open, and he blinked blurrily, only to quickly shut them again due to the painfully bright morning sun streaming through the window. After several seconds, he became aware of the pain throbbing dully throughout his head, and groaned. The nineteen year old rolled onto his side, opening his eyes bit by bit until they were accustomed to the light. And then he noticed the other side of the bed was empty, and Bill was already up, hastily pulling his clothes, that previously lay in a crumpled pile on the floor, on. Tom sat up, wincing slightly, and placed a hand against his forehead. He made a mental note to grab some Tylenol as soon as possible.

"Bill?"

"Huh?" The brunette continued to dress without even turning to acknowledge Tom's presence.

"Bill, I…" He didn't know what to say, he couldn't find the words. Tom opened and closed his mouth, breathing out a sigh.

"Look, Tom, it was a mistake," Bill said bluntly, pulling on a shirt. "We both weren't in our right minds, and it was an accident."

Tom stared incredulously at Bills back; the ache in his heart was now much worse than the one occupying his head.

_It really _was _too good to be true…_

"How… how can you even say that?" Tom's voice cracked, and he propped himself up on one elbow. Bill turned to face him, running his fingers through his raven coloured hair. "I-It was just… _nothing _to you?" The younger twin looked at Tom with pursed lips and didn't reply right away.

"Yes," Bill muttered stiffly. "Yeah, it was an accident. I'm sorry, but it's not like… _we… _could ever happen anyways. It's illegal, it's wrong, it's fucked up, and if anyone ever found out, our _lives _would be ruined."

"So that's it," Tom whispered, "you gave me false hopes for nothing? Just like that?" Bill turned and approached the door, slipping on his shoes.

"Yeah," Bill said. "I shouldn't have, I _knew _I shouldn't have, but I did anyways. I'm sorry." He grabbed the sweater that was laying in a crumpled pile on the desk next to the TV.

"Don't go," Tom said softly, "whatever you do, just please don't go."

"You should've known it could never happen, Tom…"

"Don't try to turn this around and make it completely _my _fault!" Tom cried, tears of frustration pooling in his eyes. "Don't make me feel like the fucking guilty one!" Bill clutched the sweater to his chest, his back turned to Tom once again. His shoulders sagged slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said, barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Don't you dare go," Tom began to cry silently. "Don't leave me, Bill, d-don't do this to me."

Without another word, Bill opened the door and left, leaving Tom to sob brokenly by himself.

***

Tom had no clue how many hours at passed since Bill abandoned him. He had not changed positions since this morning; he just laid and stared blankly at the ceiling with glazed eyes. The room was silent, _too _silent, and the lack of sound was driving him even more crazy. The room was warm and stuffy from the midsummer heat, but he was still cold. Tom shivered slightly as he heard muffled voices in the room next door, and he knew they were talking about him. The sudden knock on the door shook him from his silent reverie.

"Tom, are you still asleep?" Georg's voice called from the other side of the door. "'Cause it's almost lunch time already, we were gonna go down to the restaurant in the lobby to grab something to eat soon." Tom didn't answer; he just curled up in a ball and covered his entire body, head and all, with the blanket.

"Tom, man, are you alright?"

No answer.

"Fine," Georg sighed, and Tom could detect the hint of annoyance in his voice. "We'll be down there if you want to come join us in a bit." He heard the older man's heavy footsteps die away, and buried his face in the fluffy cotton pillow. He thought that maybe if he stayed like this long enough, he'd suffocate himself.

***

"Did you and Tom fight last night or something?"

"Something like that." Bill frowned to himself and stabbed moodily at the half-eaten waffle on his plate.

"He wouldn't answer me earlier," Georg stated between mouthfuls of his own breakfast. "And I _know _he wasn't sleeping, because Tom never sleeps late. He's usually the first one up." Bill shrugged listlessly and continued to stare at his plate, determined to massacre his waffle with the fork.

"What did you guys get into an argument about?" Gustav asked.

"Nothing,"

"It had to be _something…" _

"It was _nothing,_" Bill snapped. "Can't you guys just leave it alone?" Georg and Gustav exchanged confused glances and decided not to press the subject. Bill was obviously in a touchy mood today. Bill angrily shoved the last chunk of his waffle in his mouth, threw his fork down onto the plate with a loud clatter, and stormed away from the two of them. He met with David, their manager, at the door, and just stormed right on by without acknowledging the other man whatsoever. David frowned slightly and joined the two other men at the table.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Who knows," Gustav answered with a shrug. "Something between him and Tom. Probably just one of their stupid little arguments again. I'm sure the both of them will be back to themselves by tomorrow."

"What, Tom's being a diva too?" David groaned. The thought of putting up with _both _twins while they were both in full-diva mode was almost unbearable.

"I don't know," Georg told him, "I asked him to come down to the restaurant with us, but he wouldn't answer me."

"Jesus Christ." David put his head in his hands. "You kids are going to end up making me drop dead from stress _way _before my time."

***

"Bill, open the damn door," the managers voice called from behind the door, several hours after the lunch incident, and Bill groaned angrily, striding towards the door and wrenching it open.

"What?" he practically snarled, and David drew back slightly. Sometimes, Bills massive, mane-like hair wasn't the only thing about him that resembled a lion.

"Look, Bill, I don't know _what _you did to your brother, but you'd better fucking fix it. _Now." _David snapped. "He's sitting in the bar in the restaurant in the lobby, looking like he's about to drown himself in his drink." The nineteen year old stared at him incredulously, the look of shock quickly being replaced by one of anger.

"_I'd _better fix it?" Bill growled at the older man, narrowing his eyes dangerously and popping out his hip, placing a hand on it. The dreaded diva stance. "Do _not _fucking blame this on me. Go tell Tom to-to… fix this shit. He's the fucked up one, not me."

The older man sighed deeply, kneading his forehead with one hand.

"I don't know what happened with you two," he started again, softer this time, "but _please, _just go and try to set things right again. We're heading out at five a.m tomorrow morning, and I don't need tired, moody teenagers at each others throats on the bus all day."

"David-"

"Look, Bill, I'm not asking you to perform a damn miracle. Just go and talk to your brother at least, okay?"

"Fine," the ebony haired man breathed in defeat, "_fine._" The manager turned and stalked down the hallway to his own room, muttering 'finally' under his breath.

Bill stepped out of his hotel room, the heavy wooden door closing with a soft _click _behind him. He began to walk toward the end of the hallway where the elevator was, but stopped in his tracks and turned the other way, pacing back and forth. He clasped his hands together behind his back, exhaling deeply. What could he say to Tom, what could he do to try and fix this horrible mess that they had both created? Bill knew he had been a little too harsh this morning toward his elder brother, but that didn't mean that the words he spoke weren't true.

_The bond Tom and I share… the feeling of willing to die for him, of needing to be near him all the time… what is it? Love for Tom as a brother, or love for Tom as something so much more? _

Frustrated and confused, Bill plopped down heavily onto the deep red carpeted floor of the hall, hugging his arms around his knees. The nineteen year old was at a complete loss as to what to do; while his mind tried to block out the unnatural thoughts and wants, tried to realize how wrong it was, his heart screamed at him to tell his twin what he felt, after all; you couldn't help who you fell for. Bill felt that familiar burning sensation of tears beginning to gather, and quickly willed them away.

The dark haired man inhaled shakily and shifted positions, his legs curled under him so that he was sitting Indian-style in the middle of the deserted hall. Gritting his teeth, he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to rid his head of last nights happenings. Lips and finger tips roaming over heated skin, trembling hands touching clandestine places; things that simply weren't aloud. Was it really that wrong? There was no doubt in Bills mind that it was, but again, he asked himself if that really mattered.

His head snapped up all of a sudden when he heard the _ding _of the elevator that had arrived on the top floor of the hotel, and out came Gustav through the metal doors. The blonde noticed Bill seated on the floor right away, and looked at the younger man, a slight quizzical frown gracing his features.

"What're you doing?" Gustav asked a little hesitantly.

Bill bowed his head, fingers absently toying with the sleeves of his sweater. "Thinking." Gustav continued to watch him with raised eyebrows.

"Bill, are you okay?" The black haired teen nodded. Gustav stood awkwardly over Bill for several more seconds, before proceeding to his own room.

"Hey, Gustav?" Bills voice was so small and weak that the other man could barely hear him.

"Yeah?"

"If you love someone… it doesn't matter who it is, or-or what you are to each other… or what gender you are, or anything." Bill swallowed, his chest feeling constricted. "None of that really matters, r-right?"

Gustav stood with his hand on the door handle, his back to Bill.

"No," he replied slowly. "Love is love. That's all that matters."

Bill didn't answer, and the blonde let himself into his room, a little confused and wondering just what exactly that was all about.

_Bill's gay? Is that what him and Tom are fighting about?_

That didn't exactly seem right to Gustav, but he couldn't think of any other answer.

Bill had finally risen from his position on the ground and now paced in front of the elevator, gnawing at the inside of his cheek nervously. He had no idea what to say to his twin… and what if Tom still hated him so much that their relationship would be lost forever? If the twins couldn't get along anymore, would the band fall apart, would all their dreams crash around their feet just because of some stupid, twisted fight between brothers?

The nineteen year old turned around and decided to take the stairs. At least, that way, he'd have more time to think.

***

Bill strode across the hotel lobby, his shoes padding silently across the carpeted floor. He walked into the restaurant with a purpose, wanting to look more confident that he really felt. He didn't want Tom to know how afraid he really was, even though they were twins, and could practically sense each others emotions at times.

He spotted the familiar dreadlocked teen seated at the bar table at the other end of the large dining room. The restaurant was empty, save for an elderly couple seated at a table in the corner. Bill finally worked up the courage to approach his big brother, and slid onto the stool next to Tom. Tom looked at him quickly, then looked away without a word. His trembling hands tightened around the glass that was placed in front of him. Bill folded his arms across his chest, breathing out a soft sigh. He had absolutely no idea where to begin.

"I'm sorry," the brunette finally blurted out. Tom didn't reply, nor did he even make eye contact with the younger man. Once again, Bill felt uncontrollable emotion building inside his chest. "Can we just… can we just try and talk a-about this?"

"What's there to talk about?" Tom answered bitterly. "I think you pretty much summed it all up this morning. Just a huge accident is all it was; you said it yourself." The coldness of Tom's voice stung, and Bill couldn't remember a time when he had ever felt this helpless.

"No, no it's not, I just… please, Tomi…" the black haired twin trailed off, dejected. He gently placed one hand on Toms arm, feeling his brother tense under his touch. He let his fingers linger on Tom's warm skin for only a few seconds. The dreadlocked man trembled slightly. He couldn't stand the pain, the heartache, lacing Bills soft, melodic voice. Bill hurts him, he hurts Bill; it was just a continuous cycle.

"Please…" Bill tried again, his voice nothing but a pitiful, sorrow-filled whimper. Tom swore his heart split down the middle just a little bit more.

"Fine," Tom finally gave in, heaving a deep sigh. The twins rose from their seats, and Tom rushed toward the hotel lobby, his little brother trailing behind him like an abandoned puppy.

They approached the elevator, and Tom prodded the button roughly with one finger, greeted by the mechanical sound of the elevator moving down to the main floor. Seconds later, the doors slid open and the two young men stepped into the small elevator. They stood side by side, an awkward silence weighing down on their shoulders.

Bill gnawed on his bottom lip gently, fiddling with the hem of his fitted black sweater. He bowed his head, strands of ebony hair falling over his face. Tom glanced at his twin out of the corner of his eye. He had grown up with Bill, been with him for nineteen years, and was _still _astonished by the younger mans beauty. There was no doubt about it; Bill was complete and utter perfection, and Tom wanted nothing more than to just be able to hold his brother in his arms, feel Bills warm skin against his own. A slight movement caught Toms eye, and he looked side ways to see Bill standing closer to him, now only an arms length away. Bill stepped closer still, and their eyes met for the first time since the previous night.

"Tomi," the brunette breathed softly. His eyebrows knitted together and Bill pursed his lips together, looking as if he was on the verge of tears. Tom wasn't sure he'd be able to stand the sight of his baby brother, his everything, crying helplessly. Bill reached out with one hand, brushing his finger tips lightly against Toms cheek. Tom flinched slightly under the other teens touch.

"I love you," Bill whispered. "Really, I do." He leaned against Tom, grasping his twin in a gentle embrace. The dreadlocked man placed his arms around Bills narrow waist without hesitation, drawing him as close as humanly possible. Tom pressed his face against the brunettes hair, inhaling and breathing in the scent that could only be described as 'Bill'.

"I never meant to hurt you," Bill continued, gently nuzzling his face into the crook of his older brothers neck. "I was… I was scared. I'm so, so sorry, Tom."

"I know," Tom replied shakily, "I know."

The elevator dinged, coming to a stop, and the twins quickly moved away from each other as the doors opened. They stepped into the quiet, abandoned hallway, and Tom followed Bill into his room.

***

The room was dark, the only source of light were the strips of dim evening sunlight filtering through the slits in the blinds that covered the large window. The twins sat in the center of the king-sized bed, so close that their knees bumped together whenever one or the other shifted. Bill reached out and captured Toms hand in his own, gently entwining their fingers together. Tom looked down at their joined hands and breathed out a trembling sigh. He could feel Bills eyes burning into him, running his thumb across the top of Bills soft, smooth hand.

"W-Was it really an accident?" Tom voiced quietly, still avoiding his twins eyes. "A mistake?" Bills grip on Toms hand tightened, and the brunette looked down, blinking back the tears that were quickly building.

"I don't know." Bill swallowed back the guilt and pain, trying to keep his tears at bay. Every time he tried to speak, the words seemed to get stuck in his throat. "I mean… no. It's just… it's so confusing, Tom." He pulled his hand from Toms grasp and buried his face in his hands. "This is so messed up, it's not right. I-I want to love you, but I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared." The raven haired teen shuddered and he began to weep almost silently, shielding his face from Toms view. Tom leaned forward and slid his arms around Bill, pulling him into what he hoped was a comforting hug. Seeing Bill so torn apart brought an unbearable pain to Toms heart.

"Then you don't have to," Tom said softly, grasping a sobbing, trembling Bill tightly. "If it hurts that bad, then don't love me."

"I can't help it, I have to," Bill replied between sobs. "You're my twin, Tom, you're my everything, and I don't want to love anyone else. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, only you; I _can't _love anyone else." He finally raised his head to look at Tom, and the older man stared into the watery depths of Bills eyes, placing his hands on either side of his twins face, wiping away the warm tears that streaked down the brunettes cheeks.

"Don't cry over me," Tom stated in a murmur. "I'm not worth it." This statement caused Bill to sob harder, and he flung his arms around Toms shoulders, holding onto him with an iron grip.

"You _are_," the black haired teen answered weakly. "I need you, I can't be without you, and I want my heart to belong to you. No one else, ever, just you."

"It already does, Billa, it always will." Tom cupped Bills chin in one hand, placing the other on his twins knee. Bill grabbed onto Toms shirt, balling his fist around the cotton fabric.

"Kiss me," he commanded in a whisper, and Tom saw desperation in his brothers eyes.

"For sure?" Tom questioned, his heartbeat increasing with every second.

Bill nodded and attempted a tiny smile. "For sure," he repeated, "I _do _want this. So bad."

"No regrets this time?" Tom leaned closer, removing his hand from Bills knee and placing it on his thigh instead. "You wont hate me after?"

"No," Bill replied, "never."

Tom moved closer still and finally closed the gap between their lips. Bill practically melted against his brother, eyes fluttering shut as Tom tangled his fingers in Bills silky hair, tugging ever so gently. Bill tilted his head slightly, desperately deepening the kiss, a pinkish blush spreading across his porcelain cheeks. The dreadlocked man pulled Bill onto his lap, feeling that pleasant, warm feeling spread throughout his body that he felt every time he was in contact with Bill.

They broke apart, panting, both of them flushed and breathless.

"Oh, God," Bill mumbled, then grabbed Tom by the collar of his t-shirt, their lips colliding together again. Bill parted his hot, swollen lips, allowing the older man entry, trying to stifle a slight groan. Tom reluctantly pulled away, causing Bill to whimper softly at the lack of contact.

"Can't get too carried away," Tom grunted as Bill pressed his lips to his neck, the brunettes face hot against his skin. "Not here, not now."

"I guess you're right," Bill muttered against the older mans skin. "Fuck, how could I ever fool myself into thinking I didn't want this? I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for making you hurt. I love you."

Tom smiled; the first genuine smile that crossed his lips in weeks. "So gorgeous," he said softly, pushing Bills hair out of his eyes. "It's hard to believe I'm a twin to someone so flawless."

Bill looked away, smiling, his cheeks reddening in a flush. He knew this was it, he could feel it in his heart; Tom was the only person in the world that he would be able to love. Wrong or not, he only had eyes for Tom, and quickly decided that he wouldn't have it any other way. Ever.

"Over six billion people in the world, and I just had to fall in love with you."

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**_You know the drill; review, bitte. :D_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_This is so fluffy you might get a toothache. ;]_**

* * *

**Chapter 03**

Bill pulled his huge designer sunglasses down over his eyes, even though the sun was only minutes from setting and basking a dull orangey light over the small city. He walked beside Tom in silence; the two of them has ventured to the small shopping plaza a few blocks down the street from their hotel, and were now on their way back. Naturally, Bill had complained about the small shopping centers lack of proper designer clothing stores, but still managed to get away with more than a few new outfits and pieces of jewellery. Tom, on the other hand, had managed to walk away empty handed. He really wasn't into shopping nearly as much as his brother was.

The brunette looked up at the trees that lined the sidewalk, their lush, leafy branches swaying lightly in the moderately warm breeze. Bill could barely stop himself from smiling; for once, he felt happy, his heart seemed lighter and there was no weight on his shoulders anymore. He hoped he could be this content with Tom for the rest of their lives. This really was a wonderful feeling.

Tom allowed his hand to gently brush against Bills. "Finishing the rest of the tour is going to suck," Tom stated. He grasped Bills hand in his own before quickly dropping it again. "We won't be able to do this. We won't have any time alone; we won't have the privacy of a hotel room."

Bill shrugged in reply. "We'll find a way. Georg and Gustav sleep like logs, anyway; I'm sure they wouldn't notice anything."

"But if they did? _Ugh._" Tom wrinkled his nose. "That'd be a disaster."

"Oh, c'mon, now." Bill grinned and elbowed Tom playfully. "Maybe they wouldn't mind. Maybe they'd wanna come have some fun, too."

"That's gross."

"Admit it, Tomi," the brunette continued, holding back a laugh. "You'd love Georg's big, manly hands all over your-"

"Biill! Shut up, that's sick." Tom shuddered at the thought. "You're sick." Bill batted his long eyelashes at his twin and laughed, then suddenly swerved off the sidewalk. Tom stopped walking and looked after the brunette in confusion.

"Where're you going?"

"Playground!" Bill shouted over his shoulder, already jogging across the field of a small park. "I haven't been to one of these in _ages_!" Tom exhaled deeply through his nose and began to follow his little brother.

_Typical Bill. So much like a ten year old, sometimes._

Tom stepped into the area of the playground, the gravel crunching noisily under his shoes. He watched Bill climb up the metal rungs and step onto the platform at the top of a slide and tried not to groan aloud at the sight of the other man, clearly too big, crouching at the top of the slide.

"You look ridiculous," the dreadlocked man stated, standing at the bottom of the slide. Bill just grinned and pushed himself down the slide. The brunettes look of amusement turned to one of fear when he realized he was going to fast to land properly at the bottom. Tom, who was looking the other way, didn't have time to move out of the way. Tom let out a frightened yelp as Bill collided roughly with his legs, knocking them both forcefully to the hard ground. Tom let out a string of curse words while Bill began to laugh hysterically, squirming on top of his twin, his bony elbows digging into Toms stomach.

"You idiot!" Tom snapped, pushing his brother off of him and struggling to sit upright.

"Oh, lighten up, Tomi," Bill replied as the other man brushed dust off of his white t-shirt, a slight pout gracing his lips. He clambered up onto Toms knees and pressed his lips to his brothers in a quick kiss. Tom jerked away quickly and glared at the brunette.

"Not here," Tom scolded in a soft voice. "Are you stupid, what if someone sees?" Bill sat back on his knees, looking slightly dejected.

"There's no one here." He looked down at the ground, strands of ebony falling into his face. Toms annoyance toward his brother almost instantly faded. Bill was right; the streets of the small city were practically bare, but Tom was extremely paranoid. They had to be careful, their entire lives were practically riding on this; if they were caught, it would be the end of their career, their relationship, their _lives. _

"I'm sorry," the dread-head said softly and leaned toward the younger twin, pressing the palm of his hand against Bills cheek. "But you know we have to be careful."

Bill sighed miserably. "I know, but today might be the last day we can be alone in who knows how long. This _sucks._" He pulled his long legs up against his chest, resting his chin on his knees. Tom stood up, brushing dirt from his knees, and held out one hand to Bill.

"C'mon, lets go back to the hotel." Bill grabbed onto Toms hand and allowed the other man to pull him up.

"I don't wanna go back yet," the brunette stated, walking toward one of the swings set on the edge of the playground and plopping down. "I'm sick of hotels, I'm sick of constantly having to be around Georg and Gustav, and the rest of the crew. It feels like I can never have time to myself anymore." Bill wrapped his slender fingers around the chains of the swing, scuffing the toes of his shoes against the dirt underneath him. "I miss Mom and everyone at home. I just miss _home._ Sleeping in my own bed, being able to do nothing but laze around the house all day, not having to go by some crazy schedule, running on practically no sleep." Tom clucked sympathetically, twisting in his own swing to face his little brother.

"You're just home sick," he said gently, "I think we all are." Tom looked toward the horizon, only a tiny sliver of glowing sun peeking above the low mountains in the distance. The sky above it ranged from a pale peach color to orange, fluffy pink and cream clouds drifting lazily across it. It was a beautiful site; the whole world seemed silent and at peace. Tom knew this was the last time Bill and he would be able to be alone for a long time, and felt a pang of homesickness tug at his own heart.

He grabbed the chains of Bills swing and pulled his little brother closer. The black haired mans eyes widened slightly as Tom captured his lips in a chaste kiss. Tom smiled a bit and let his lips linger on the corner of Bills before pulling away.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Tom," Bill breathed, "I'm _so _glad we're able to do this all together, though. I'd never be able to do it on my own, I wouldn't survive being away from you for so long." Tom leaned forward again to place a kiss against the brunettes jaw.

"We should go back to the hotel now." The dreadlocked mans voice was low, and Bill felt his heart jump into his throat, cheeks burning in a flush. They both rose, and Bill retrieved the shopping bags that had previously lay forgotten at the bottom of the slide.

***

"So everything's good now?" Georg asked, eyeing the twins at the four band mates stood in the hall of the hotel. "No more fighting?"

"Nope, we're fine," the twins replied in sync, and Gustav shuddered.

"God, I hate when you guys do that creepy twin thing."

"I know," Georg agreed, "it's even worse when they finish each others sentences."

"You guys are idiots," Tom said, exasperated, as he followed his twin into his hotel room. Georg just shrugged as he heard the door slam, and wandered down to the lobby, Gustav in tow.

"Oh my God." Bill dropped the Rock Band microphone that was currently plugged into the Playstation 3 on the floor and huffed, annoyed. "Are you fucking serious? I just failed _my own song._ How is that even possible?!" The brunette pointed an outraged finger at the television screen, where his grand score of 39% on Monsoon was displayed. He swatted Tom, who was doubled over in laughter, hard on the shoulder and plopped down on the bed next to him, folding his arms tightly across his chest.

"That _is _a little pathetic," Tom chuckled, but instantly regretted it when Bill rounded on him with a glare like no other.

Bill threw up his hands in anger. "I fail to see anything funny about this, Tom! I can't even sing my own song on Rock Band!" He gestured wildly at the TV again. "Look, they booed me off stage!"

"As long as the fans at _our _shows don't boo you off, I think you're okay." A loud bang on the wall silenced their bickering.

"What are you guys yelling about?" Came Georg's muffled voice.

"Bill got 39% on Monsoon!" Tom shouted back, scooting away from Bill as the younger man tried to hit him.

"Hah!" Georg yelled in reply. "That's sad!"

Bill growled low in this throat, but Tom leaned close to press a chaste kiss against his lips, instantly silencing the other man.

"Don't be a baby," Tom muttered against his brothers jaw as Bill leaned against the headboard of the bed, his limbs practically turning to liquid under the dreadlocked mans touch.

"If I was a baby, what would that make you?" Bill sighed as Tom attached his lips to his throat, nipping down gently. "A pedophile?"

Tom just grunted in response, pinning his brother down against the mattress. Bills fingers entwined in the elder twins dreads, and he tugged lightly, causing the other man to practically purr in delight.

Bill couldn't repress the a small smile as Toms lips found his own again; it had been a long, long time since he had felt so safe and secure in someone else's arms. The lonely ache that once inhabited his heart was now replaced by a warm, almost fluttering sensation, and for once, he didn't even care that it was caused by his own brother. At the moment, that was the last thing on his mind.

He slid one hand under Toms massive shirt, his long nails gently scratching against his twins stomach.

"This isn't weird for you, is it?" Bill questioned, breathless.

"No," Tom said simply, smoothing one hand against the younger mans soft, silky black hair. "You?"

Bill shook his head and entangled his fingers in the thin cotton of Toms t-shirt and pulled him close for yet another heated kiss.

A loud, impatient knock sounded on the door, and Tom instantly jerked away from his twin, rolling off the edge of the bed and landing on the floor with a startled squeak. Bill was breathing heavily, his cheeks red, and staring at the door.

"What?" Tom finally said, trying not to let the annoyance he felt be heard in his voice.

"David says to get your asses down to the restaurant; we're all meeting down there to discuss the plans for tomorrow," Gustav called from the hallway. "What are you guys doing, anyway?"

"Playstation," Bill blurted out. Tom glanced at him and grinned, picking himself up off of the floor.

"Whatever," Gustav answered tonelessly. "Just hurry up, guys, before David shit's a brick."

"We'll be right down," Bill said, and they heard Gustav walk away.

"Jesus." Bill placed a hand on his chest, over his rapidly beating heart. "That was a little scary." The lanky man rose from his position on the bed and crossed the room, looking at his appearance in the dresser mirror. Still flustered, he ran his hands through his hair, flattening the stray pieces that were sticking up, then adjusted his t-shirt, tugging down on the hem.

Tom frowned at Bill in the reflection of the mirror. "Stupid Gustav with his interruptions," the dreadlocked man groaned. "I was totally going to get lucky."

"Oh, please," the brunette replied, walking toward the door and yanking it open. "You were not." Bill scampered down the hall with Tom trotting in his wake, yelling, "I was so!"

***

"We're leaving at six a.m. _sharp_," David said firmly, then rounded on Bill, brandishing his fork at the young man. "So that means _six o'clock. _Not six thirty, not a quarter after six. Get up at three in the morning so you're ready in time; I don't care. Just _be ready._" Bill groaned and rolled his eyes at the manager. Gustav was right; David was sure in a mood tonight.

"Alright, _alright,_" the brunette replied tiredly as Tom turned away from the table, trying to disguise his sudden burst of laughter as a sneeze. Bill noticed, elbowing his twin roughly in the ribs.

"Now, you guys have two interviews scheduled for shortly after we arrive," David continued, "then the sound check. I want you all in bed by eleven, not a minute later, so you're awake and ready to go. The show tomorrow night was completely sold out the first day tickets were on sale; you guys need to bring you're a-game to the stage and make sure you nail it."

"Right," Tom said with false cheerfulness. "So no pressure or anything."

The five of them continued to eat in silence, the only think breaking it the occasional lecture from David. Bill groaned and finished the last of his hamburger. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against his twins shoulder; an act that the other band mates and manager didn't even bat an eyelid too; they were used to the twins being touchy-feely. Under the table, Tom grasped onto the younger mans hand, lacing their fingers together, trying not to let a smile spread across his lips when Bill gently squeezed his hand back.

***

Tom was started awake by a soft knock on the hotel room door, and looked around the dark room blurrily, his mind still partially clouded by sleep. The clock on the bedside table read 2:34, and the dreadlocked man practically rolled off the bed, dragging himself tiredly to the door. He opened the door without a word, already knowing who it was, after all; no one else but his brother paid him visits late at night.

"I'm so exhausted," Bill said in a whisper as he softly latched the door behind him. "But I still can't sleep." Tom looked at his little brother, Bills pretty face barely lit by the glow of the city lights coming through the window. The dreadlocked man wasn't sure if it was just the shadows across Bills face, but it looked like the brunette had been crying.

Without a sound, Tom gathered Bill into his arms, and the black haired man nuzzled his face in the crook of Toms neck, breathing out a sigh.

"You haven't gone to bed yet?" Tom asked, leaning his chin against the top of Bills head.

"No; I just can't fall asleep."

"You need rest, Billa, we have to be up in two and a half hours."

"I know," Bill replied, his voice barely a whisper. "I thought maybe… maybe if I was with you I could sleep properly." Tom couldn't see Bills face, but could sense the other man blushing, and smiled.

"Are you sure this isn't just an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me?"

"No," the brunette snapped against Toms neck, "I really can't sleep."

Tom pulled his twin toward the bed, and Bill slipped under the warm down duvet with a content sigh. Tom slid in next to him, and Bill instantly cuddled to his big brothers side, holding onto him rightly. The dread-head draped one arm around the other mans narrow shoulders, pulling him even closer, if that was possible. For once, Tom felt nothing but complete and utter happiness while Bill was lying in his arms, the only thing piercing the comfortably silence was their soft breathing and the drone of the occasional car passing by on the street outside. Their world seemed to consist of nothing but the two of them; like nothing else existed beyond the walls of the room. When they were together like this, alone and out of sight of the public, time seemed to stand still and neither twin could see anything but one another. In each others eyes, nothing else seemed to matter at all.

"Tomi," Bills tiny voice brought Tom back to reality, and he glanced down at his twin through half closed eyes. "This is so nice, just to be able to lay here with you. Not having to care about anything or anyone else."

"Yeah," Tom replied, "yeah, it is." The dreadlocked man pressed his lips against his brothers forehead, letting them linger there before pulling away. Bill reached up to cup Toms chin in his hand, leaning up and pulling his twins face closer to his own. Tom eagerly captured the brunettes lips in a gentle kiss, placing one hand on the small of Bills back. He felt his heart fluttering in his chest yet again; almost a constant sensation whenever he was around his twin. Bill drove him crazy, and Tom was pretty sure his younger brother knew that.

They broke apart, breathing slightly increased, and Bill collapsed against the elder twin. Toms arms encircled him once again, and their bodies seemed to fit together perfectly, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Bill exhaled tiredly, his cheek against Toms chest, their limbs entangled. "Love me?" The brunette sounded sleepy, and Tom knew he was quickly drifting into a slumber, barely hanging on to consciousness.

"You know it," Tom said. Bill let out a small laugh, and Tom waited until his twins breathing became deep and slow, signalling sleep, before he let his own eyes slip shut.

Yeah, this was definitely something he could get used too.

* * *

**_Om nom nom reviews! ;D_**

**_I know, this took a little too long to update, but right now, this story isn't at the top of my priorites list. Don't worry, updates will come, though!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 04**

At exactly five a.m, the loud buzz of the alarm clock pierced the silence, waking Bill from his peaceful slumber.

Startled, the brunettes eyes snapped open and he rolled away from his brother, who was still asleep, snoring lightly. Bill marvelled at the fact that Tom could sleep through practically anything. The black haired man stared up at the off-white ceiling, his mind was still clouded and seemed to lag from the lack of rest last night, and he knew he wouldn't be able to function properly on only a few hours of sleep.

Bill closed his eyes briefly before jabbing Tom in the arm with a slender finger. "Tomi, get up." Tom just mumbled something incoherent under his breath and turned away from his twin. Bills eyebrows knitted together as he frowned. He didn't like to be ignored.

Bill slapped Tom on the cheek, not all that lightly, and the older man woke with a startled gasp, only to see the younger twin hovering over him, a devious little grin on his lips. He should've known that Bill would never wake him in a civilized way.

"Why'd you wake me?" Tom pouted. "I was having the most wonderful dream."

"About?"

"Strangling David," the dreadlocked man replied as he sat up and stretched, wincing as his right shoulder cracked loudly. Bill laughed and tumbled out of the bed, only to get his foot caught in the blankets. He went down, hard, onto the floor with a yelp and Tom shook his head.

"As graceful as an elephant," Tom remarked, getting out of bed and crossing the room to where his suitcase was.

"Fuck you."

"You wish."

"Maybe," Bill replied with a yawn. "Anyway, shut up, it's too early to argue with you." Bill approached the dresser and stared at his reflection in the mirror, wrinkling his nose in disgust. He dragged one finger across his cheek, just under his eye.

"Gross," Bill muttered, "I'm going to need a pound of makeup to make myself look normal today."

"You look fine," Tom said absently as he slipped on a fresh outfit, his back to his twin. Bill just muttered incoherently to himself, stomping out of the room and across the hall to his own to get ready for the day.

Bill huffed in annoyance as he attempted to zip up his overflowing suitcase, grunting in effort as he finally managed to close it. He stood up, pleased with himself for managing to shove twice the usual amount into one suitcase; even though it look as if it was ready to burst back open. His hair was straightened to perfection and lightly fluffed, only a miniscule amount of dark kohl surrounding his eyes. He just didn't feel up to going all out this morning. Just as Bill was in the midst of crossing the room to find his shoes when the realization finally hit him full-on. They would not be staying in another hotel for at least week. They would, all four of them, be living on a bus, in very close quarters. Bill would not have a chance to be alone with his twin; there would always be someone hovering around them. That was just the way it was when they travelled - no one got any alone time, ever. Bill would not get a chance to just lay with his brother, sharing small kisses and sweet nothings, like they had already done so many times while alone. They would have to go back to being _normal _twin brothers - nothing more.

Bill wasn't sure if it was just the exhaustion and lack of sleep, or maybe just the fact that he hadn't had the chance to actually love someone in a long time, but he suddenly felt like something heavy and uncomfortable had settled in his chest. The brunette sat heavily on the end of the bed and, to his dismay, felt uncontrollable emotion beginning to well up.

_Damn it, no. No more._

He was on the verge of tears when Gustav poked his head in the door.

"Time to go, Bill, David's waiting downstairs and is cranky as ever." The blonde tried not to look at the pained expression lingering on Bills features. His eyes dropped to the floor.

"Gustav," the black haired man choked out, trying not to let his voice waver. "C-Can you just get Tom for me?" The older man nodded and yelled, "_Tom! Bill needs you!" _down the hall, before walking away again. Bill just groaned and buried his face in his hands.

He heard his brother enter the room, the door shutting with a small _click _behind him. Bill didn't look up, and suddenly felt pathetic and childish.

"You okay?" Tom asked in a soft voice. He already knew the answer before Bill even spoke. The younger twin sniffed and wiped away a stray tear, giving a weak smile to the other man.

"I'm pathetic."

"No you aren't." Tom stooped down to gather Bill into his arms, and the other man leaned his chin against the dread-heads shoulder.

"I'm going to miss this," Bill stated, "so much." Tom hummed in agreement, and leaned back, brushing one finger softly against the younger mans lips.

"One more time, before we go?"

Bill nodded, and Tom pulled him closer, lips colliding in a soft kiss. Bill felt all his fears and uneasiness dissolve instantly, being replaced by an almost uncontrollable lust for his brother. Tom weaved his fingers through Bills hair and pulled a bit, something that made the brunette purr in delight. Bill hands found the back of Toms shoulders and he practically dragged Tom as close as possible, cheeks flushing as he hungrily kissed his twin back.

"Bill, we gotta go," Tom finally murmured against the other mans lips, eyes fluttering open again. He pulled away and Bill whimpered softly at the lack of contact. As if on cue, the two of them heard an angry yell from the other end of the hallway, urging them to hurry up. The dreadlocked man frowned, gritting his teeth together.

"I swear, David's going to make me lose my mind before this tours over," he mumbled, rubbing one hand tiredly across his face.

"No kidding," the brunette agreed and grabbed his luggage from the floor, following Tom out the door. "What's his deal, anyway? Why the hells he so cranky?"

Tom just shrugged. "Better not let him here you say that," he pointed out.

"Right. His lectures are worse than the ones Mum used to give us when we were little."

They approached a glaring David in front of the elevator, and Bill sighed, feeling more tired than ever.

***

Bill pulled the empty milk carton from inside the small fridge of the tour bus, turning to face his band mates with a look of distaste on his features.

"Who," he began in a low voice, through clenched teeth, "put this back in? You guys _know _you're supposed to replace whatever you use up." The brunette couldn't really put his finger on _why, _but it seemed as if every tiny thing had been getting on his nerves all morning. All Bill wanted was to have a bowl of Fruit Loops for breakfast, but no, someone (most likely Georg, he decided, since he was always doing stupid things like that) didn't replace the milk he had used. Bill felt like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Oh." Georg looked up from the magazine he was reading. "Sorry, I didn't get around to replacing it." The black haired man looked at Georg through narrowed eyes, and suddenly flung the empty milk carton at him with all the strength he could muster.

"Bill, what the fuck?" Georg yelled after the carton had come in contact with the side of his head, while Tom was practically crying tears of laughter, and Gustav was telling Bill to settle down.

"Thanks to you, I can't have breakfast," Bill snarled, while Georg stared at him through wide eyes. Bill threw up his hands and yelled out in anger before stomping off to the back of the bus where the bunks were. He slid into his own and pulled his knees against his chest, glaring at the ground. What the hell was Georg's problem, anyway? He always had to ruin everything!

Several minutes after, Bill heard footsteps approach him. He looked up and, to his dismay, saw Tom grinning back at him.

"Nice shot." The elder twin stifled a laugh, sitting down next to Bill on the narrow bed.

"Shut up," Bill mumbled into his knees. "Georg is stupid. I hate him."

"No you don't," the dreadlocked man chuckled, "you're just cranky."

Bill shrugged wordlessly, and shut his eyes. "Maybe."

"You're exhausted, aren't you?" Tom questioned, concern filling his eyes, and brushed his fingers gently against Bills cheek and the younger man nodded. "Have a nap, we'll be on the road for another three hours or so."

"Yes, mother," Bill replied with a brief smile. When Tom rose and walked away, he practically fell backward and was out in several minutes.

When Bill woke, he felt disoriented, and it took him a few minutes to realize where he was, but he felt refreshed nonetheless. He trudged into the lounge area of the bus, where the other three guys were sitting around the table, playing some sort of card game. He sat next to Tom, not bothering asking to join in their game, and stared out the window with a sigh. He didn't catch the worried glance his twin shot him.

***

"Bill, will you hurry up?" The brunette heard David shout from the other side of the bathroom door. He was currently touching up his hair and makeup backstage at the location of the bands next interview.

"I still have a few minutes until we're on," Bill responded through clenched teeth, trying to keep his voice level. "I'll be done in a minute." He could hear muffled voices arguing, and exhaled tiredly. Bill heard Tom's voice rise above the rest, and sighed.

"Tom, stop it," the brunette shouted, absently touching up the dark kohl surrounding his caramel hued eyes. He heard Tom swear loudly, and then all was quiet again. Shielding his eyes with one hand, Bill quickly retrieved the nearly empty can of hairspray from the bathroom counter, giving his huge mane of hair one last spray before letting himself out of the bathroom.

The G's were seated on the couch of the green room, looking awkward, while Tom was glaring hatefully at David, who rubbed one hand across his forehead tiredly. Bill crossed the room, careful not to allow his eyes to meet with any of the others. The tension in the air was too thick, seeming to weigh down heavily on their shoulders. The brunette wordlessly picked up the jewellery that previously lay at the bottom of his bag, silently dressing himself in the thick chains and leather accessories. The entire time, he could feel Tom's eyes burning into the back of him.

The door of the green room creaked open, and a petite red haired woman poked her head inside, to escort them to the stage. Bill followed her, pursing his lips slightly. He knew it would be just like every other interview; a stupid host, the same brainless questions, and so many screaming fans that he wouldn't be able to hear himself think. Taking a deep breath, Bill put on the most natural looking smile he could muster, and stepped out onto the set, the rest of the band trailing behind him. The nineteen year old sat in one of the chairs placed next to the host, a young blonde woman that didn't even bother to hide her excitement of finally getting to meet the band. He tried not to cringe as she leaned over the armrest of her chair and gave him a one-armed hug, while yelling 'welcome' loudly in his ear.

"Welcome to the show, guys!" the host, whose name Bill didn't catch, greeted them enthusiastically. Bill put on yet another false smile in return. He looked at Tom out of the corner of his eye, sensing his twins discomfort as the way too enthusiastic woman blabbed on.

"So, you guys finished your second North American tour last year, how does it feel to actually see just how large your fan base is over-seas?"

"Great," Bill replied. Sure enough, same old, same old. "It's so amazing. We never dreamed that we would be able to break through in America, especially being a German speaking band." The brunette barely had time to finish his answer before the host was talking again, and tried hard to hide a sigh of annoyance. She continued to fire off questions that countless other interviewers had asked before her; about the new album, the supposedly upcoming world tour, while Bill didn't even have to think of the answers. He pretty well knew them all by heart by now.

The host flipped through the cards in her hands and crossed her legs. "How about we answer some questions sent in by email from fans, now?" The four band mates voiced their agreement; they couldn't really say no, could they?

"Andrea from Munich wants to know what your favourite city is to play concerts in."

Bill paused for several seconds before answering, looking thoughtful. "I honestly couldn't choose. We have so many amazing fans all over the world; they're different in every city in every country."

The host smiled, sickeningly sweet, before she read the next question. "From Jennifer in Hamburg: she wants to know how long it takes you to do your hair, Bill." The nineteen year old groaned inwardly.

"Not long," he answered. "Um, it takes me about forty-five minutes, and that's with showering and everything."

"I think it takes Georg longer than Bill to do his hair," Tom cut in, flashing his signature smirk, and Bill can't suppress a small smile. The audience laughed, just like every other time Tom made fun of Georg in interview, and the bassist just shrugged. Bill grew bored once again and wondered how much longer he had to sit here answering stupid questions.

"Okay, the next questions for Bill again," the host continued, looking down at the cards held in her hands. Her eyes widened slightly, and she smiled. "Victoria in France writes _'Bill, you have an amazing sense of style, but it's very feminine. There's so many rumours going around, and I'd really love it if you could confirm whether you're gay or not.'_"

The audience falls completely silence, and Bill felt the uncontrollable anger beginning to rise.

"No," he said through gritted teeth, balling his hands into fists in his lap, trying to stay calm. "I'm not gay."

"Really, I mean-"

"He said no!" Tom growled, and the host raised her eyebrows, a bit shocked at the sudden outburst.

"Well, our time is up," she said, trying to sound cheery once again. "Let's hear it for Tokio Hotel!" The audience burst into applause as Bill stormed off the stage to where David was waiting, the rest of the band following in his wake.

"What the fuck was that?" Bill snarled, forcefully stuffing his belongings that previously lay on the table of the green room back into his bag. "Does no one screen the fucking questions before the show? You'd think those assholes would have enough sense to not ask a ridiculous question like that."

"Bill, calm down." David attempted to reason with the teen, but Bill shot him a glare that silenced the older man.

"He's right Bill, settle down." Tom grabbed his pacing twin by the shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. "They just did it for some stupid publicity, hoping that you'd come out or something on there show. It's no big deal, I mean, how many other programs have asked you that before?"

"I know," Bill sighed, dejected, and plopped down on the couch. "Can't everyone take no for an answer the first ten fucking times?"

Tom shrugged. "The tabloids never take no for an answer. Don't let it get to you." The black haired man exhaled, feeling completely exhausted as David ushered them out of the room and back onto the bus.

***

"What is this?" Bill asked in a tiny voice, watching the buildings of the city fly by out the bus window. They were on their way to the venue for the sound check, and the twins were currently sitting in the lounge area, while David was upfront with the driver, and Georg and Gustav were somewhere in the back of the bus.

"What is what?" Tom asked, a look of confusion gracing his features.

"Us," Bill responded, still staring fixedly out the window. "What are we?" The dreadlocked man bit at his lip, deep in thought and unsure of how to reply. He had been trying to find the answer to that very question since day one.

"I don't know," the older twin finally replied. They were speaking in whispers now, afraid to be overheard. Bill exhaled, tired, and leaned against his big brothers shoulder.

"Me neither," he mumbled, "this is so messed up."

"I know." Tom nodded in agreement. "At least the tabloids don't know about _this. _Oh, God, can you imagine if they did?" The dreadlocked male let out a short laugh, and Bill grinned.

"That'd be a disaster," the brunette replied, shutting his eyes briefly. "The fan girls would lose their minds."

Tom laughed and ruffled his twins hair playfully.

"I can't wait for this day to end," Bill sighed. "Wanna sleep, finally." Tom grunted in agreement. Bill sat up and stared absently out the window once again, watching the cars pass by through half closed eyes. Neither of them spoke the rest of the way to the venue.

* * *

_**Sorry for the wait, I fail at life, etc, etc. I apologize if there's any mistakes and whatnot.  
**_

_**Review and all that jazz, please. (:  
**_


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